Francisco O.

Francisco Oxtxgx was a classmates of Jared's and possibly the most random, inscrutable person in the entire school.

All of the named characters in Josh and Jared's Clubhouse were odd in their own way, but the majority of them could at least be analyzed and ultimately understood. Francisco could not.

People often talk about feeling like they were born in the “wrong” era. Francisco was born in the wrong era, the wrong country, and the wrong social class. He dressed, carried himself, and spoke like a proper gentleman five times his age. He was “that” kid by any metric, more than anyone else of his generation.

Around the school, Francisco was known for two attributes: holding the door and talking to everyone.

If ever there was a hallway door needing to be held open, Francisco would happily take the lead. He'd hold the door open for an entire class of people walking through, anywhere, anytime, even at his own inconvenience.

He was also extremely social, making small talk with anyone. His outgoing nature made it so that everyone knew him and he knew everyone else, which might normally be a great quality. Unfortunately, the things he actually said were, for lack of a better word, absolute nonsense.

Despite being raised in Miami just like his fellow classmates, Francisco seemingly had nothing in common with anyone. He spoke slowly and quietly like a senile elderly man, rambling on and on about NOTHING until he had lost the person's attention completely.

One of his most well-known ravings came during a junior year English class he shared with Jared. He started telling a story to a small group of kids who sat nearby, describing how his brother devised a weight-loss method by taking a hollowed out mattress and “injecting it” with a special gel. The gel was “infused” with military music. (???) By sleeping on the mattress that was injected with gel and listening to the infused military music, one would lose weight. (???)

He told the story completely straight and without a shred of self-awareness. Not unlike someone with dementia, it wasn't known if Francisco himself believed his own words, if it was something he had had in mind for a while, or if he was making it up on the spot. The group just stared at him.

Fittingly, though, the story perfectly encapsulated Francisco. He was passionate as he told it. He enjoyed speaking to the group. And at the same time, his words just plainly did not make sense.

Another time, Francisco told the same English class a story that was actually coherent. He shared that, growing up, his dad took him out to the bars, treating him like more of a drinking buddy than a son.

Sadly, it didn't seem like Francisco actually had any friends, just many acquaintances.

But it wasn't like nobody tried to form a connection. Apropos of nothing, Dani B. once approached him. She said in an extremely serious tone, “Francisco, I want to have sex with you.”

Francisco blushed and started stuttering, not knowing how to react to the unusual request. Before he could say anything, Dani turned on a heel and walked away. (The entire thing may or may not have been set up by Jared. Dani regrets the incident, calling it bullying.)

Though he never declared it outright, it was obvious that Francisco had a huge crush on his other fellow classmate, Karina F. They barely ever interacted, though, and he treated her like a celebrity he worshiped from afar.

Francisco was romantic, but in all the wrong ways. He was the type to show up to opening night of one of Karina's shows, bring her flowers, take a photo with her, post about how great of a friend she was, and never once have a normal conversation with her. Meanwhile, Karina would've smiled through it all, not knowing who the hell he was.

After high school and beyond, Francisco remained utterly mysterious and directionless. He did maintain a social life, occasionally posting photos of himself at conventions, concerts, shows, and other community events. His mind also seemed to normalize a bit as he posted thoughts about celebrities and movies rather than demented digressions.

One particular photo he shared from an anime convention summed up his persona best: he was dressed up, smiling, clearly enjoying the event with a group of several other cosplayers. The photo was tagged with all of their handles, and yet it received zero likes or comments.  ❒

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