Andrew L.

Andrew Lxpxx is an acquaintance of Josh's whom Jared knows through Instagram. He's the older brother of Charlie, Josh's childhood best friend. Though Josh grew up seeing Andrew around, they weren't exactly friends themselves. Josh says he's a good guy, though.

Josh brought Andrew to Jared's attention after following him on Instagram for several years and observing his somewhat troubling behavior.

Andrew is, above all, a very sad person. Not sad as in pathetic, but as in unhappy. He's a Miami bro in his mid-thirties, living at home, and seemingly doesn't have much going on in his life. But he does have a few select pleasures: smoking joints, drinking Hennessy cognac, riding his motorcycle, and posting Instagram stories about said activities. To a lesser extent, he also enjoys driving his Subaru WRX, playing video games in bed, taking selfies, and showing off firearms.

With such hedonistic interests, you'd think Andrew would be happy. Unfortunately, he seems eternally, devastatingly lonely. Josh says he is a nice person deep down, but is also very depressed and angry. He takes his anger out on family and can't control himself sometimes. He's also apparently nerdy, but hides that side of himself to fit in.

Oddly, Andrew's brother Charlie is the exact opposite. Charlie has a fiancée, many friends, and is happy and confident. The two don't seem to have much of a relationship.

Though all of Andrew's Instagram grid posts are memes from years ago, they describe him well with messages that still hold true today: he cares about people who don't care about him, he's done caring about people who don't care about him, he'll be loyal to a woman who is loyal to him, and the like. Many of his posts illustrate his obsession with sex — memes talking about giving oral, sneakily grabbing a woman's buttocks, wanting women to flash him, and the list goes on. Some posts reference his love of going to a strip club, which he affectionately calls “the strippie.” He even has a post alluding to how he'd be willing to wake up a potential partner at 4 am just to perform oral sex on her, framing it like a generous act of service.

On many posts, Andrew captions or comments “💯💯💯” or similar emoji.

The one post that Josh and Jared noticed and remembered immediately is simply these words: “The best breakfast is the kind that starts with sliding the panties to the side.” To that, Andrew captioned, “Big facts 💯💯.”

Anything that a high school kid might share privately with a group of guys his age, Andrew posts publicly to social media.

Speaking of, Andrew goes through alternating periods of posting Instagram stories constantly and then going completely silent.

When he does post, the nightly stories are always exactly the same: a POV shot, sitting outside on his patio, focusing on his own hand holding a joint. His fingernails are always extremely short from having been bitten. He pans from the patio table, with a glass of Hennessy and its bottle in view, over to his motorcycle. The caption on the video alludes to how he's about to go riding that night.

During such a posting spree, he will post this exact story every single night.

In the daytime, there is one other kind of story he also posts: another POV shot, this time at his work in a security office. He pans from the computer screen to a shot outside the window of a completely empty parking lot. On that one, the caption is almost always, “At work. Let's get this money 💯💯” or something to that effect.

(Josh and Jared aren't sure exactly what Andrew's security job is. Previously, though, they knew he worked for Brinks.)

Interspersed between these video stories is an occasional text story, with him remarking about how women are never loyal, how his heart is broken again, how he would be loyal to a woman who truly deserved it. The posts are always very solemn and mysterious.

That may have been the end of the story, if not for a brief period Andrew went through about a year after Jared started following him.

For a while, Andrew would go live on Instagram almost every day. (For the uninitiated, going live is when a user starts a live video feed of themselves that followers can watch and comment upon.)

During Andrew's lives, he'd most often be at work on a break. He'd just be sitting there, broadcasting his own face to an audience of nobody. When Josh and Jared discovered these, they made a point to join them whenever they could. Josh joined from an alternate anonymous account, and Jared joined as himself, even though he and Andrew have never met.

Andrew seemed to intend for the live sessions to be a way for his friends to ask him questions. Josh would ask about cheese, and Andrew would answer completely earnestly.

Jared mostly stayed silent, save for a single comment he made, once: “Very large breasts.”

Nothing about the session had anything to do with breasts; it was a non-sequitur Jared made for his own sick amusement. But Andrew got very excited. “Are you a boob man, Jared?” he asked, slyly.

Caught off guard, Jared immediately left the room.

Looking back on it, Jared regretted leaving, as Andrew was just trying to make conversation. He just wanted to connect. What was he supposed to make of Jared's comment? He did nothing wrong.

More recently, Josh reported to Jared that Andrew was in a bad motorcycle accident, and Charlie took care of him as he healed. Thankfully, he seems to be fully recovered now. The guys aren't sure how the accident affected him, if at all.

Above all, Andrew's is a frustrating case: he's not annoying or weird, exactly. He just needs help. Not only is he clearly depressed, he doesn't know how to handle his stress. When he's down, he'll post videos of his alcohol and joints with the caption, “Much needed.”

Jared wants to help him somehow, even though it really should be Josh. Andrew still thinks Josh is cool, and seeing that he's married with a kid, he may look to him for guidance. Josh still hangs out with Charlie sometimes, but apparently never includes Andrew. He needs to include him.  ❒

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